Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
