He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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