Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
We are all done wearing pants today
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
