I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
