She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
