it was like getting a handjob from robocop
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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