I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
