I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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