Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
