i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
