i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
