Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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