she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
