dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
We need to rekindle our bromance
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
