he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
