we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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