Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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