He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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