you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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