im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
