You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
