Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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