i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
