I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
