At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You need Xanax blowdarts
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
