a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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