OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
