Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
