The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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