I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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