So drunk its hurt
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
