in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
