I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
