I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize