is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
