so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
