i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
