Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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