But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
