yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
When are your genitals available?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize