Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
