I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Last time i carry you out of a forest
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Oh god it's open bar.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
