what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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