I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
