The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
