I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
