So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
