every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
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