I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
