Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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