Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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