okay pat passed out under dana's car
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
My vagina is very pro this idea
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
