She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
either way he was missing a nipple.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
