From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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