Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Randomize
