Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
