i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
