We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
