New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
