the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
