Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
