and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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