I feel great
I just peed on a car
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
