he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Randomize
