There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
