i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
